Loss echoes louder when family grows smaller

I’m just trying to keep up with the days.
 The days slip past in a blur.
The nights stretch long, slow as a snail.
I turned to the house, cleaning room after room, anything I could find.
The rhythm of work steadied me, kept my mind clear.

I started cleaning out the kitchen cabinets, but Badger shoved me aside.
She said if I did the straightening, she’d never find a thing.
So she took over.
Good thing Raven is going up to the other parents to be with the littles this weekend, because I’m in no mood for the chaos.

At the moment, I do not feel like interacting with anyone, human or animal.
I simply want to be left alone.

Badger and I took a walk down to the Methodist Church.
That helped a little, just getting out of the house.
Not a lot, but some.

It feels like losing Mom all over again.
Uncle was the last family I had left.
We weren’t great at keeping up these past few years, but we still texted.
If I had some juicy gossip, I’d send it his way ; and he’d do the same.

Hippy Aunt is still around, though we were never close.
She always favored Cousin.

I have half‑siblings and a whole paternal family somewhere out there.
I tried to connect.
They did not want me.
We have never had a relationship.

With Uncle’s passing, I feel like an orphan.
The only family I have now is Cowboy and my children.