The Land of Childhood Fades

The day started badly.

I had to stop at The Dollar Tree to pick up flowers for Mom's grave.
I insisted on Badger coming in with me since we never go to this store and I thought she might like to see the Halloween items.

To be blunt, she threw a tantrum, but she did go in.
She acted up so much that the cashier caught my eye, not with disapproval, but with a look that said, “Oh honey, I see she’s mad, and I feel sorry for you,” followed by a weary eye roll.

The trip to my hometown was quiet. 
Not a word passed between us.
Cowboy always takes the kids’ side, no matter what.
Honestly, I think one of them could be smacking me, and he’d still shrug and say, “Oh well, you shouldn’t have done this or that.”

I choose not to sugarcoat the truth.

Badger experiences significant mood swings that affect both herself and those around her. 
Her condition is managed with prescribed medication, though fluctuations remain noticeable.
I live with ADHD, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, and undiagnosed depression, and I am not currently taking medication. 
These conditions can make navigating interactions more challenging.

Right now, we’re all just trying to figure out how to handle a situation none of us really knows how to manage. 
Life gets rough sometimes, and this is one of those times. 
That’s the reality of living with an adult child who has ADHD, autism, and a mood disorder. 
It’s not easy, but it’s the truth we live with.

We made it to my hometown and parked at my uncle's house.
We did a quick walk around to be sure everything was still locked up.
All looked fine except the kitchen window appeared to be open.
Well, that’s impossible, there’s no floor beneath it.
It isn’t physically possible to reach that window to open it.

When it comes to that house, you put your head in the sand and ignore what doesn’t make sense.
There were no lights on, the doors were closed, most of the windows were shut, and the basement was locked tight.
If one window wished to open itself, well, we ignored it.

We walked uptown to the festival.
The crowds were absolutely insane, and neither Badger nor Cowboy really wanted to be there.
I did a quick speed walk through, enough to say I went and I saw.
Most of the items were crazy expensive anyway.

I was nine when the very first Heritage Days happened.
My mother and I walked uptown every single year; we lived close enough that it was just a hop, skip, and jump to town.
Even after I got married and had kids, Heritage Day weekend would find me heading uptown.
The last words she was capable of saying were “Heritage Days.” She wanted that time again, that family time.

I was grateful that Cowboy took me, even though I could see he didn’t want to be there. 
He was hurting, and maybe we should have stayed home. 
I rushed through town, barely catching a glimpse of anything, never stopping for the music or the dancing. I can’t call it a waste of time, but it wasn’t what I hoped for either. 
Oh, well. 
You can’t go back to the past, no matter how much you want to. 
The festival now will never be what it was when Mom was alive and my kids were little. 
Those days are gone, and no matter how clear the memories are, I can’t live them again.

We walked back to Uncle’s, got the car, and headed to the cemetery.
I put flowers on all the women’s graves - the women who raised me.
Badger said it wasn’t fair to Pappaw, but Mom’s birthday is next Sunday and GG’s death date is the 25th. You can’t leave flowers for Mom and GG and ignore BB and Granny F.

We stopped at Cracker Barrel for an early supper. 
It was too late for lunch and too early for supper, so I just called it “lupper.” 
You know, that in‑between meal that doesn’t really have a proper name.

Badger and I couldn’t finish our meals, so we boxed up what was left and carried it home. 
Tomorrow’s dinner is already taken care of. 
Cracker Barrel doesn’t skimp, their portions are more than generous.

Then I bit the bullet, threw in the towel, admitted defeat - I bought a new phone.
We went to Walmart from Cracker Barrel, and I sucked it up and bought it.
I’ve had trouble with mine for over a year. 
I was in the middle of a Marketplace deal when it froze, and I said nope, I’m done.
I told myself I could live with it when it froze while we were trying to videotape an aggressive dog. 
I told myself I could live with it when it shut my sound off for two days, forcing Cowboy to call the home phone. 
I told myself I could live with it when it kept clicking off while I was trying to message my cousin after her surgery.
But you don’t mess with Marketplace deals when I’m trying to get rid of a giant eyesore out of my yard. 
You just don’t do that.

We got home, and Cowboy dropped into his recliner, snoring in no time. 
Badger disappeared into her room.
 I grabbed a cup of coffee, sat long enough to get my first caffeine fix of the day, then switched the laundry over. 
I got the new phone plugged in and charging, and finally flopped into a chair myself.

I’m not sure how much time I had to rest my aching feet before Badger popped out needing help with Halloween decorations. 
She bought an Oogie Boogie but didn’t realize it didn’t come with stuffing. 
Who sells what’s supposed to be a fat booger without stuffing? 
So we sat outside in the dark, stuffing Oogie Boogie. 
Luckily, we still had foam left over from a project. 
He looks okay, but pillow stuffing would have been much better. 
Then she hung up a lighted cobweb she could never quite get right. 
It came with no instructions, so she winged it. 
I think it looks just fine, but she’s like her daddy, a perfectionist.

I don’t even remember the last time we decorated for Halloween, but Badger’s got it looking pretty good out there.

We came in, Badger disappeared into her room, and Cowboy snorted and turned on his TV.
I’m just going to rough this out, finish it tomorrow, and head to bed.