Everything’s loud, heavy, and I’m running out of energy

I’m still feeling blue, and I catch myself crying at random moments.
Change has never been easy for me.
If Raven hadn’t brought the littles with him, his moving back in would have barely registered.

But he does have littles.

Raven and the other parent take a pretty relaxed approach when it comes to parenting.

The littles haven’t learned how to use indoor voices or how to tell the difference between indoor and outdoor play.
Boundaries are missing. 
They unlock things that are meant to stay locked, take items that aren’t theirs, drag them into the yard, and sometimes break them.
Dishes never make it to the sink, and food gets hidden in toy boxes or ground into the floor.

From Friday to Sunday, the television is monopolized.
The siblings frequently hit and shove one another, and their emotional outbursts occasionally include inducing vomiting. 
Basic bathroom etiquette, such as flushing, wiping the seat, and washing hands, continues to be a persistent challenge.
Despite repeated efforts, Badger and I find the process of teaching these habits exhausting and seemingly without end.

The common explanation is that the littles are autistic and have ADHD.
I am familiar with those challenges, having raised three sons with ADHD and a daughter with autism.
Our household emphasized structure, routines, and boundaries, and I did not employ corporal punishment.
Despite these circumstances, my children did not exhibit the same behaviors as Raven’s littles.

Right now, living like this wears me down.
No child is all bad. 
We do have sweet moments. 
But the difficult moments are more.

As Badger and Heron say, with different parenting, those littles could be amazing.
They’re all sharp as a whip.
Eins used to be such a sweetheart, but as he’s getting older, some of that is fading.
It really is a shame.

With his oppositional defiant disorder, I can’t help but think Drei will only get harder to manage.
He already lashes out when told no, and his hits pack a punch.

When Raven’s littles are here on the weekends, Badger and I stop feeling like this is our home.
It just gets to be too much.
Badger retreats to her room to escape the sensory overload, and I usually get blamed for everything, so I stay in mine.
We end up feeling like guests in our own house.

There’s no easy solution right now.
Raven can’t afford to move out, and that’s the reality.
Looking ahead, it seems like more of my life and space will be taken up by the littles.
This isn’t what I expected for growing older.

Today wasn’t a good day.
The littles are challenging and undisciplined at times, and others in the family see it too.
Still, maybe I expect too much of them.

That’s today’s rant.

Badger and I went for a short walk, not far.
Tomorrow is church day, so no walk then.

Badger has a doctor’s appointment at the crack of dawn tomorrow.
Her hands have looked like scaly lobsters all winter, but of course, as soon as she gets an appointment, they clear up.
At least she has pictures.
Maybe this time we’ll finally get some answers.

For now, I think I’ll sign off and head back to my TV.